Launched and got 0 signups? Here's 5 reasons (and how to fix them)

If you’ve got 0–3 signups after launch, this isn’t a growth problem. It’s a conversion truth.

You shipped. You posted. You told your Discord.

Day 4: still dead quiet.

I’ve torn down 1,000+ early-stage landing pages. Most of them suffer from the same root cause:

Positioning failure wrapped in polite copy.

Here are five brutal patterns I see again and again:

1. You’re writing for you, not for them.

Your copy reads like a YC interview answer.

Users don’t care what it is. They care what it does for them.

You wrote a résumé. They wanted a shortcut.

2. You’ve got Feature Fog.

Every scroll reveals more features, more jargon—less clarity.

No pain. No payoff. No outcome.

If your landing page needs a Notion explainer, start over.

3. Your testimonials say ‘nice,’ not ‘necessary.’

“Love this tool” isn’t social proof. It’s filler.

“This cut our onboarding time by 40%” is proof.

False proof is worse than no proof—because it wastes trust.

4. Your offer has no spine.

List of features? Fine.

Pricing? Maybe.

But where’s the hook? Where’s the urgency?

A landing page without a reason to act is just a brochure.

5. You’re solving a problem no one wakes up Googling.

No one converts on nice-to-haves.

They convert on “I’m bleeding—this stops it.”

Vitamins get skipped. Painkillers get clicked.

Last week I rewrote a founder’s hero section from:

“AI-Powered Sourcing Intelligence”

to:

“Hire 3 vetted candidates in 24h—no résumé reading.”

Same product. 2.1x conversions.

Why? Because people buy clarity, not complexity.

You’ve seen this post’s mistakes on someone else’s site. Maybe even yours.

Send it to them if you care.

I fix dead funnels without the fluff. Quietly, and async.

You can fix the copy. But only if you’re willing to admit it’s broken.

Feel brave? Drop your landing page.

I’ll give you one truth you probably won’t like—but won’t forget.