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  • I'm dying inside with worries and fears

    Jose Leon
    4 replies
    There was a storm. And I went for a walk by the beach. The sand was going in circles and flowing low around the edges, making roads and dunes and filling my pockets with air and dust and sorrow. I was tired. I was scared. I didn't know what else to do. I checked my bank account: €4586.63. Maybe I was one of those guys. You know, you can see it in their eyes—those who want you to make his "million-dollar" idea for 50% of the profits. You immediately know when you see one. You know he's not going to make it. I was afraid to be one. I used to be a developer. But I hated it. I don't know if I was a good one. Or even a bad one. Or even a regular one. I didn't like it. So it doesn't matter. I tried to become a copywriter. I failed. I tried to start a company. And another one. And another one. And another one. Yes. I know. I know. I have already read all the advice. All the books. All the comments. All the projects I started, I believed, were brilliant ideas. Maybe I don' have what it takes. Maybe It wasn't meant to be. Who knows. I don't know. The sad thing is... I can't trust myself anymore. That's painful. It hurts. It makes me want to run through the dunes under the storm and disappear forever with the wind. But I don't even know how to do that. Because I always want to come back and try again. But I can't trust myself anymore because I failed. And I failed the promises I made to the ones that trusted me. And I want to cry because I also failed them. It breaks me to look into my other half's eyes and say again: this time is different. It's never different and I die inside. It breaks me into pieces, and those pieces break again, and what is left is what I am, the broken pieces left. Dreams, goals, all into the broken pile with the ashes of what is left of me, under the sand, wind, and sorrow. Maybe I am not the kind of person that knows how to do something. But I don't know what else to do. I don't know. I don't know.

    Replies

    David Rosillo
    Hi there Jose, in the entrepreneur business, I think everyday is a roller coaster, every month, a hill or a mountain to climb but you need to keep pushing. I have never succeeded 100%, but I need to believe that some day I will. Reading your lines is like reading my mind, these ideas cross my mind everyday, so I fully understand you. Keep pushing, and don't give up! Love from Madrid
    Jose Leon
    @david_rosillo I keep pushing, I need more time, more time! But time and money are tight for me now, and that makes me miserable. Gracias, David!
    Simon Barker
    Career Switch To Coding
    Career Switch To Coding
    Hey man, it's hard, it's really hard and the successes we see every day make it harder. You sound like you might not be ok. DM me if you want. allthecode on instagram or allthecode_ on twitter
    Jose Leon
    @simon_barker1 I'm trying and yes, it's hard. I don't mind it to be hard, but I just want more time to keep going, but it's running out. Thank you.